Without You I Would Die

Just had my last night class. I am so going to miss it. :( Solution: find more things to learn, or do something, anything, productive enough to remind me that I'm still alive. Like I said, January should be good but now? gdi, I should probably start playing a videogame that's more violent than Sims 3, because really.

M's been teaching me to drive lately - that's one good thing. I have been on proper roads without dying, even, though we did get pulled over by a cop once; fortunately he was not an asshole and merely ragged on us for having a dead taglight (which incidentally has been murder to replace), so hey. Driving lessons are v. useful in two completely separate respects: a) they shift my moving-around status from passive to active so make me pick up on things I otherwise wouldn't, from the subtleties of traffic laws to the way the nearby highways knit together, and b) it just plain feels exhilarating, like skating only much less so because nothing is like skating gdi do i ever miss my ice.

I am going to be late sending my father a birthday card; do not have space or money to do anything else and wow am I ever not inclined to pretend to care, and yet I must, if only for the sake of my siblings who actually have to put up with him.

This house is also lately a bit of a warzone. I am kinda glad, tbh, because I hated being the only one who wasn't pretending everything was all nicey-nice. More screaming, less bullshit is fine by me, poss. because I am not the one being screamed at. Justice is served, Nemesis & thorns already lodged in people's flesh, etc. Everything's in the air re. us moving, various other people moving - I guess we'll figure it out soon enough, etc.

I will likely be running the S3 fic/art exchange this year. Yay!

I keep wanting to wander around singing Dar, sit down and let words pour out or both at the same time, which is about as productive as it sounds.

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Dar Williams - Are You Out There

I guess anyone who was ever interested has shifted there already, but Dreamwidth just got awesomer; they now have fifteen icons on free accounts, a search function that kick's LJ's ass, and scans_daily 3.0 is gearing up to open. Invite codes aren't even a big deal - there's an official and highly encouraged codesharing hub, plus they're genning a million zillion of them for the s_d launch. So yeah, if you want to up sticks to dw, do it. I crosspost all my stuff to Dj from there.


I am still feeling awkward and under-rockish, more so than ever really; it is NaNo season and everyone is writing and I don't want to NaNo but I sure wish I was in a writing mood. If I was, I'd do what Nakki's doing and aim for 25k, which is at least more realistic for me (I did 26k in a month exactly once, and that was more than enough exhaustion...I'm the agonise-over-every-word-and-comma kinda gal, you know?) So I'm digging around my head for things I want to write about and overthinking them all, when really? That's not what I actually need, either as a creator of things or as a human being. I need to do some living and some reading, because without that, the barrel gets dry.

Won't stay that way forever - I have some decent IRL lined up for the first four months of next year - but still. Very not comfy right now, in any world.


And All Souls had me thinking, about the understandings of long-dead poets and the things I don't believe about the turn of the year. Tried to write it down, but it didn't want to come out.


(Okay, this paragraph is going to make no sense to anyone bar me but) I've been FMing for the first time in, liek, months and got into an amazing Chariot vs Imperatrix bitchwar that had me a) wondering why it isn't canon - that's hugely depressing now I think about it, and b) seeing the Wheel turning in the middle again, diving for the lowside and flipping the rest of the deck down with her. Godfuckingdamn. I also started playing as Minette, which may be the most confusing thing ever (Ac!d: where everyone is at least two different people, sometimes three) but, mmhm, I couldn't resist and yet it needs more space than FM has so I should probably be writing fic. Yuri fic. It's not really lolicon, it just looks that way - oh fuck, fuck, fuck.


...

Dee dropped me off for an interview a couple of days ago, and as I was getting out of the car, she said; 'Just be yourself.' Pause. 'The sweet one, that is.'