Without You I Would Die

-why yes, we are moving, sometime in the middle of December probably

-I have a Christmas retail job that starts, I think, in about a week (they haven't told me yet) and, barring spectacular forthcoming fail which you all know I am very capable of, a proper job that starts in January

-the housemate I want to dismember with a chainsaw found a lost dog, a female Jack Russell who is surprisingly dear in spite of being a Jack Russell. She seems well-cared for so we're holding on to her and waiting to see if lost dog posters go up someplace nearby. Nothing on Craigslist yet. M has already asked if he can keep her. My answer was 'no'. I do not like small dogs though this one does have an endearing way of licking my face.

-I have been in a giant writing rut and am trying to ease out of it but I'm not even sure the writing was ever the problem, if you get me. Still. Managed 700 words one day lately so YAY. (And even that was split between bad OF and revoltingly fluffy FFIII fic.) I am running the Secret Santa thing for my fandom this year, so hopefully starting on my own contribution to that will help me out. I just. Need this thing. A thing. Which would so totally be in arm's reach if I were in London. I shall have to connive Z into putting it into the post for me - fortunately it weighs very little, and I am sure it would enjoy the trip.

-yeah, I doubt the writing is the problem. There's something about November that usually makes me feel completely dead inside. All Souls is never enough.

(But will it ever be enough?)

-if I'm not talking to you I'm probably just embarrassed of how very fucking little I have to say. I mean. If I had thoughts and feelings lately, I'd be writing or something. It's all 5P and desert gods here.

I spent the evening out with Dani and a friend of hers, and it was an interesting exercise in mutual social anxieties. It was for a sweet, free, surprisingly dressy swing dance event at her university, and there were many people in lovely costumes and I felt bad for not being in a position to try, and there was tasty free food and people trying to teach me to dance properly. Aw.

It was a sudden thing that Dani only called me about this afternoon, and I was worryingly deer-in-headlights about it; glad I went along anyway. It was Dani who seized up - too many people and no alcohol, you know? While I felt badly-dressed and awkward, but okay. Crowds don't bother me, dancing badly doesn't bother me. The anxieties I've developed lately are more about handling individuals.

But I liked it and wished I could get more dancing in, and then had that moment when I realised a) that asking hot, splendidly dolled-up women to dance with me would be great, b) that I couldn't do that there, and c) that I don't know whether to hate America or The Heteros for that. mehhhh. If I'd had both time/money to plan for something like that and an ounce of sense, I would probably have crossdressed just in the name of passing as non-passing. (And while I would love to dress as Fujimoto from Ponyo for a convention sometime, I am really, really, not built for crossplay. ffff. Should stick with hating America, I guess.)

We had a lovely evening back at her place afterwards, so yay. <3 You have no idea how much I adore her cats. They're called Isis, Osiris, Ra and Set.

Subtle, not.